Poem 11: 5/16/01

How to write a manifesto

It is important to write politically
writers must write politically
their words must say something relevant to the cause

this poem is an anti-drug poem
it hopes to keep teenagers off drugs
so the government and gangsters can take in a little less revenue each year
what these words mean is no drugs

This poem is an anti-suicide machine
it hopes to keep teenagers from ending their lives
so there will be more of us around to cause trouble
what these words mean is no suicide

if this was a poem to tell the horrors of the meat industry
it would hope that we would all eat nothing but vegetables from here on out
it would hope that the slaughterhouses would be run into the ground
by the ghosts of their dead cows
it would say meat is murder

should it say don't wear leather
say you must use condoms
it would say if your condom is made out of leather
see if you can find something else to use
like I said, these words are anti-suicide
leather condoms are suicide
leather condoms are bad for the cows

however I cannot speak these words
they are speaking for the cause
the words I am using at present politically align themselves vegan and straight-edge
they believe that we must save the teenagers
that the teenagers are being killed off by the thousands
along with the cows

this does not reflect the personal beliefs of their author
for your reference, the author of these words
is an emotionally exalted tragedy of a hedonist
and will slip aside from any words you choose to give her
whether she believes in the cause is none of your business
however, it must be made clear that she is not
the cause
so watch out, or she will kick your teeth in

This poem says drugs are bad, this is an anti-drug poem
it is important to write politically
it says suicide is not a good idea
it is important to save our teenagers for the next world war
if they kill themselves, who will we draft?
it says do not eat meat
if we run out of teenagers and cows, who will be left to draft?
it says don't wear leather
wear a condom instead
if we all wear leather, what will the cows and teenagers wear to the next world war?
we will have an entire nation of cows and teenagers refusing to go out
because they have nothing good to wear

but I would never tell you these things
you could not drag them out of me
even if all the poets were taken prisoner, and you burned my eyes with used leather and red-hot pokers
words say these things, not me
causes say these things, not me
ask the words if you want a lecture in political activism
they seem to know a hell of a lot about the subject
don't come to me because I wrote them
I'm just writing something political
it is important to write politically
were you to take these words and say them to me
I would kick you in the teeth
because, cause or no cause, I am an emotionally exalted tragedy of a hedonist
which is more important than being relevant to a cause
and far more charming, anyway

Emotionally Exalted Tragedy of a Hedonist stands for EETH
eeth… say it with me… eeth…
this means I am on too many pills
for your information, they are pink and contain neither leather nor meat

Contrary to popular belief
to become an emotionally exalted tragedy of a hedonist
one need not know how to write politically
nor is it necessary to spend weekend nights rolling sinfully in my arms

No, to become an emotionally exalted tragedy of a hedonist one must only follow these
instructions

1)  Every day of your life you must either do drugs or do not do drugs
should you choose to take drugs
you should select only drugs which possess drug-type characteristics
this rule is very strictly enforced
should you accidentally ingest drugs which possess no characteristics of actually being
drugs, you will receive an enormous spanking in the back seat of your chevrolet
There will be no plush interior

2)  Every day of your life you must either commit suicide or not commit suicide
should you choose to commit suicide
you should restrict your activities to those in which you are killing yourself
this rule is very strictly enforced
should you accidentally find yourself not dead after you have killed yourself
your body will be dragged into the backseat of someone else's chevrolet
in this case, you will be the plush interior

3)  If you eat meat, you must also wear it
Should you wear leather, you must eat it when you're finished

4)  Look tragic

5)  Be emotional

6)  Act scandalous at all times

7)  Fuck politics

7)  Fuck writers

7)  Fuck writers must write politically
Fuck anti-drug poems
Fuck anti-suicide machines
Fuck meat and leather and fuck with a condom
but above all, don't fuck with an emotionally exalted tragedy of a hedonist
she'll kick your teeth in

© 2001 Becky Shapiro

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