Life of the Coin-Operated Laundromat Owner
cafe in Kentuckiana
not dedicated to our Savior Jesus Christ
as decorating motif,
but I had issues with the representational art.
The paintings were ripped off
knee-high bobby socks, women stroking
cats, pianos vibrating like chakras nearby—
minus the menacing
sexual allusion. What good is that?
Sometimes I was the orchid’s sparkplug.
Lots of my ideas
sprang from comic books.
I had x-ray vision wishes and flew around
in a jockstrap: red, white and blue.
One night I dreamt the strength
of Neptune’s hammer.
I hovered like a bee
just inches above the sun, the whole congregation
and water. Therapists said
it was chemical, that I lived in an age
of excessive excess when really
small potatoes and a smile
were all I needed.
As heavenly bodies go,
the barista was completely Copernican.
Spaghetti strap halter, hip-hugger
jeans, funky flip-flops, toenails decorated
Sweetheart, I thought, I hate it when you leave,
but I love to watch you go.
I heard Willie Nelson said that, and maybe
I wanted to say something similar without
getting slapped or beer tossed in my face.
I foraged like a refugee
for durable solutions. I looked like a preacher
for something to blame: the 12th century,
NAFTA, pneumatically transported
germs in the crops.
The police scanners squawked
their tricky business like a bruised fist
for a heart. I thought
annihilate was too sentimental.
I thought if I held my ground like a claw-footed
tub, my iron sides would be filled
in one even flow.
Aguilera has a blue
tongue. That scream you hear when you drop her in
boiling water is actually just steam
escaping her shell. She invented the word
agnostic in 1869 because she was tired
of being called an atheist
Browning and Stephané Mallarmé.
To wit: she is the only platinum singer who, at room
temperature, acts as a liquid. The odds of her being injured
by a crowbar are somewhere around 13%, yet in
coal mines that percentage rises to a whopping 75. The word
Aguilera actually means sleeps and dreams
one eye open, while the word itself tastes like cream,
which tastes like beetles, which tastes
like Gitmo, which tastes like worms,
which tastes like death and faith.. You
cannot fold Christina Aguilera in half more than 7 times, yet in
Iceland it is against the law to keep her as a fire
Siberia and in a Boeing 747. When her wires
kink and cannot be straightened by a team
of skeptics, this is called dog leg, which she sings beautifully
a number of her hit songs, including Dirty, I Got Trouble,
Slow Down Baby, What a Girl Wants, The Way You
Talk To Me, as well as in her cover version of Word
To Your Mother by Sir Vanillus Ice.
the longest single-syllable word
in English, and the only one that rotates on its side
and counterclockwise. As the youngest
Pope ever, (11 years old), she instituted one slot machine
per every eight citizens in Vegas.
Contrary to popular rumor, she keeps her heart in
like a shrimp or a pregnant goldfish. In
the Animal Crackers cookie zoo she appears
as 15 different animal shapes, including a herd
of red blood cells, lighting bolts, and the Nobel Peace Prize.
It was said she trapped the wind like a tired
man. The HOPE radio station in Sweden continually beams
her lyrics into space. A bylaw in Utah
from unionizing or having sex with a man in
a moving ambulance. Or so it would seem on her
of arms, which reads: In the beginning was the word …
give me your tired, your poor, your huddled Aguileras yearning
to be free.